My Wild Irish Invalid (1989)

Created and Written by Spencer Green

Rating: ********1/2

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Summary

Inspiring true-life story of writer Cobhran Quealey, born with a tree trunk for a spine, who learned to communicate by spitting into a special funnel.

Director

Teague McGurer

Cast

• Patrick Price-Allingham (Cobhran Quealey)

• Kayley Donegan (Ma Quealey)

• Conall Dunshee (Da Quealey)

Didja Know?

• To more effectively capture the physical posture of Cobhran Quealey, actor Patrick Price-Allingham had his spine replaced with a small fir during the making of this film and was watered several times a day. Price-Allingham instructed everyone on the set to call him “Cobhran,” “Mr. Quealey,” or, for reasons known only to him, “Lincoln, Nebraska.”

• The real-life Quealey wrote many books of poetry, including, “Squiffed Sapling,” which featured the famous “Timber”:

Toss off, fockers!

I’m goin’ on a toot

Branches on my insides

Leaves in my chest

Tank me up ‘til I’m stiff again

Out

Out

Out

cold

Famous Scenes

(Young Cobhran is tied to a wall in his family's small home, while his 32 brothers and sisters run around in a frenzy.)

Da Quealey: Shite, woman! Can't I be obeyed in my own home?

Ma Quealey: Shut up, ya drunk git!

(Young Cobhran, with Herculean effort, snaps his ropes, falls to floor, and inches toward the center of the room.)

Da Quealey: What is it, boy? Have ya shite yerself again?

Ma Quealey: Wait!

(With all his might, young Cobhran spits on the dirty floor.)

Da Quealey: What? Ya little bastard! I oughta--

(Ma belts Da with a shovel, then signals for young Cobhran to continue. He spits again and again until he forms an "F" on the floor. Then he hocks up more loogies, forming an "O." Then an "R.")

(four hours later)

(Young Cobhran, exhausted, summons one final spit. Reveal the message he has spelled out: "FOR FOCK'S SAKE, WILL YOU ALL KINDLY SHUT THE FOCK UP FOR ONE FOCKING MINUTE AS I AM TRYING TO GET SOME FOCKING SLEEP?!")

Da Quealey: That's my boy! Full of spit and fock!

Critical Views

“He’s the most boisterous invalid ever!” – Ronald Ingold, Film CornucopiaA-to-Z